2. David Ortiz BOS
Big Papi had a terrible, terrible start to the 2009 season, so that obviously makes fantasy owners wary. And that .238 average of his is sicker looking than Sarah Jessica Parker (I’m sorry, she looks like a foot). But, he still finished with 28 ding-dongs, 99 RBIs and 77 runs, which all in all, is a pretty good fantasy season. The problem arises though, is there that much left in the tank? Could his slow start extend even further into the season this year? And do you want to waste a valuable DH roster spot to find out?

3. Vladimir Guerrero TEX
Vladi had an injury-plagued season last year, but injuries come with Guerrero like Penn comes with Teller or peanut butter comes with jelly or…you catch my drift. He’s going to get hurt, plain and simple. Moving to DH full time won’t stop that. But, he has never hit below .300 since coming into the Majors, so don’t get discouraged by his .295 average—it was a fluke. He still has some power and can still drive in and score runs, especially in a big-time hitters ballpark while hitting in the middle of a big-time run-producing offense (I’m trying to say big-time as much as Ron Jaworski on Monday Night Football, in case you couldn’t tell).

4. Hideki Matsui LAA
Godzilla rode his World Series MVP into a big payday with the Angels and I see him continuing that trend with a solid season in Los Angeles. He hits lefties well, so you don’t have to worry about a platoon, and he may be the Angels’ leader in RBIs when it’s all said and done this year.

5. Jason Kubel MIN
Keebler Kubel has finally established himself as a .300-30-100 threat after tickling the fancies of players all around the league for the past two or so years. He always looked enticing, especially because back then he qualified for the outfield as well, but he never quite seemed to put it together. Consider it done. He’ll hit .300-30-100 again, or close to it.

6. Carlos Guillen DET
A true professional and a solid hitter, but one that is about as guaranteed to get hurt as I am to make a comparison to somebody having as up and down of a career as Britney Spears’. Guillen (no relation to CWS manager Ozzie, thank God) is a viable fantasy option when he’s on the field because he is one of the few guys on this list that will also qualify for something other than DH. He should qualify at first and outfield and he should help your fantasy team when healthy, but he won’t stay healthy all year, so draft a backup.

7. Travis Hafner
Pronk (man, there’s a lot of nicknames among the DHs) may have been on steroids. How else to you explain the ridiculous production he had a couple of years ago and the down years he’s had since? It looks as if he will never get back to his 40-homer days, but he may hit 20 for your squad this year. Too bad he only qualifies at DH.

8. Nick Johnson NYY
DHs are one of three things: a terrible fielder, an aging slugger who can’t chase down balls anymore or injury-prone. Johnson is the latter. He’s returning to where his career started—the Big Apple—and will take the at-bats Matsui vacated when he left for the opposite coast, but he won’t be worth drafting in fantasy, except in points leagues or any other leagues where walks count, because he’s pretty much guaranteed to grab 100 of them. He isn’t much of a power threat anymore and his average is on the wrong side of .300, though only slightly. Don’t take a risk unless your league is really, really deep.

9. Luke Scott BAL—Will hit some bombs and drive in some runs
10. Ken Griffey, Jr. SEA—The Kid is on his last leg, and it’s a leg not worth owning in fantasy
11. Jose Guillen KC—Not a bad option, but I’m worried Josh Fields will take some at-bats
12. Jack Cust OAK—Either whiffs, walks or homers, that’s all
13. Pat Burrell TB—His career seems about over since he left city of Brotherly Love
14. Josh Fields KC—I see him taking a few at-bats from aging Guillen
15. Mark Kotsay/Andruw Jones CWS—Will split at-bats, and thus, not worth owning unless you can sway your fantasy commish to have them come as a package deal like Penn and Teller or peanut butter and jelly or…

Vladdy was hurt quite a bit over the last couple years, but when healthy has still proven to be a lethal weapon in the middle of the order. This postseason he hit .378 with an OBS of a strong .966 during the Angels run while having at least 1 hit in every game. He’s absolutely still a threat that teams will have to prepare for day in and day out and with not resigning Jermaine Dye, they’ll need a power bat to protect Paul Konerko as throwing youngster Gordon Beckham in that role might serve as too much pressure. Some people have said Vladdy can no longer hit a fastball. I’m sure if you ask Johnathon Papelbon that he’ll give you a different response.

Come on Kenny- I’m sure Sox fans would welcome this move.